Secure Parent-Child Relationships
Secure parent-child relationships have an enormous impact on children’s:
- brain connections
- self-esteem
- resilience
- school readiness
- behaviour, and
- social and emotional development.
Practical ways to make your relationships with your children more secure:
- Be interested, attentive and curious
- ‘See the good’ in your children; see them as inherently good and capable people
- Delight in your kids, using non-verbal cues such as your eye contact, attention, facial expression and body language
- Have fun with your kids and ideally make time for one-on-one time wherever possible
- Allow your children to feel understood and accepted
- Always try to be approachable for help and comfort when needed
Procedural memories = “our autopilot”
- Memories of how to do things, including how to parent our children and respond to their needs
- Not language based so it doesn’t feel like we’re remembering something
- Stored from infancy
- Will differ between parents as a result of their different upbringings
If you’re finding that anxiety, depression, other health problems, relationship difficulties, addictions (including to phones and social media) or stressful life events are affecting you then you need to seek help. If you’re feeling depleted and exhausted, it’s important to take time to recharge.
What is the best way for you to recharge?
What do you do now to recharge?
Are these the same thing? If not, why not? Are there ways you can change this?
Finally, accept that being good enough really is good enough.
Key Reflection Questions
How important am I in influencing my children’s long term outcomes?
Does the quality of my relationships with my children influence their behaviour?
What can I do to strengthen my relationships with my children? A
re there times when my reactions to my children might relate to my upbringing?
What can I do to better look after my own needs?
