Managing Feelings and Meltdowns
Stages of Development of Emotional Regulation:
Initially the adult needs to calm the infant’s distress for them by doing things like holding the infant close, patting or rocking them.
Later feelings can be managed with the help of the adult – this is called ‘co regulation of emotions’.
Finally, the child can manage their feelings on their own – ‘self-regulation of emotions’.
The best way to help children calm down from strong emotional states is through
connection and empathy. This approach also teaches children how to regulate their own emotions. Importantly, it also teaches our kids that they can always come to us, no matter how they’re feeling.
Practical strategies to assist children to calm down:
- Stay calm and in control
- Holding a young child
- Mirror their facial expression
- De-escalate using voice
- Help a child make sense of what’s happened using words
- Wish fulfilment
- Chill-out space
Once your child is calm, it is then time for discussion and learning.
Examples of questions you might ask once the child is calm, include:
“Tell me what happened.”
“What do you think that was like for your friend?”
“What could you do differently next time?”
“How can you make this better? Do you need some help fixing this?”
Remember the goal is to teach children to manage their emotions and to learn how to make good behavioural choices, even when they’re upset.
